Notes From A Relatively Old Man, #2

Though Stone has transitioned to “Learning-From-Home”, we remain committed to ensuring that our new learning model remains as “human” and student-centered as ever — in fact, our guiding principle for Learning-From-Home is “be online exactly as much as is necessary, and absolutely no more than that.” In the spirit of remaining connected and very “Stone”, 10th Grade Dean Jay Lance is occasionally writing letters to his students which he lovingly calls, “Advice From a Relatively Old Man.”

April 19, 2020

I have been thinking a lot about you, 10th graders, especially as we found out last week that we won’t be going back to Urban Place for school this school year.  This is hard news to hear. I think you are probably like me and you still held some hope that we might be going back. 

I’ve talked to some of you at various points about what school was like for me as a young person. It was, in general, a very difficult period of my life. Starting in second grade and continuing until my sophomore year of high school I was terrified of school. I begged my parents to take me out of school. I didn’t know about homeschooling and there was certainly no cyber school, but I’m pretty sure if those options had existed I would have convinced them.

The worst parts for me were the end of summer vacation, holidays, and to a lesser degree the weekends. I vividly remember the dread that I felt as school approached. It felt paralyzing.

There are lots of reasons behind this anxiety I have realized as I’ve grown up. Part of this was a second grade teacher who literally abused our small class in rural Ohio. I recall her paddling a student in class, not in the hallway, with one strike for every problem he missed on a 50 question math quiz. He missed a lot.

My need to please authority and never break rules was totally altered that year. I still have irrational fears of failing. There are many non-risky risks that I still don’t take in my life because of this fear.

I have gotten past most of this. I became a teacher pretty specifically so that I could help students who had similar school phobia or general dislike of the entire process. I take some risks in my life now. I left public school after 24 years of teaching public school to join the Stone community. That was a pretty big risk for me.

Here’s where my past can inform your life: share your feelings and fears with someone. For the most part, I never did this as a young man, or at least it was seldom. If I had, I could have avoided a lot of loneliness and pain.

Right now the world is upside down. Most of you probably are experiencing a certain level of stress. I hope that you can also recognize that this is normal. 

Exercise helps. Sticking to a schedule helps. Helping others helps. 

Make sure you help yourself right now. Find someone to talk to about how things are going for you. Be honest. Be connected.

Here is an easy sentence to start such a conversation: “This is hard for me right now.” 

There are people ready to hear you and listen to you at home and at Stone. 

Make sure you take time to talk.

Best,

Jay